searching for answer

I'm havin sleepin problem, AGAIN. I hate it especially when monday is knocking, it means another 5-days of busy periods & I need sufficient rest. why is it happening?

I have been thinking bout things between me & double'H' pretty much dis lately. there is nthg wrong btween de 2 of us but at times, it is hard 2 understand him. we've known each other for bout 3+ yrs. n only recently, we get damn close. seriously I was nt ready for a new relationship de moment he asked me on it. I didnt know, WTH I was like, I agreed to get close w him. de sailing is no longer as smooth as it used to be when we were stil friends, nowadays many rough patches r waiting.

double'H' is really unpredictable. I dont deny that he is among 1 of de good gentlemen I'd met but his emotion management is v poor. some lil things could b big in his eyes, n that really annoyed me.

since de early days we know each other, he was already well-informed that my life is surrounded with many wonderful guys. honestly, 3 out of 4 bestie of mine, are guys. so I hang out with them a lot! n 1 of de guys is someone I really treasure, a friend of 16 yrs; Luthfie. he means a lot to me. we were childhood sweetheart but now, there is no more 'lovey dovey' feelings between us. if there is love, it is a love of 2 best friends who had shared many tears & joys 2gether under whatever circumstances. I dare 2 say, he is de only guy who knows me close to 100%. so there is no way I'll throw him out of my life. the friendship I share with him is irreplacable while de love boat which just started to sail with double'H' is unstable.

I'm not a demanding person. I seldom demand anythg, I seldom ask for anythg nor order u 2 do anythg. I 'm happy enough when u r bein urself but, I really need ur understanding. I need u in my life, but they are equally important too.

I'm glad that u always willingly hang-out w me & my bestie, get along well with them but what I couldnt bear is, de outcome of it. that is when u started 2 nag, ur curiousity came w/o invitation(s), n at de end we quarelled. that is what I need de least. quarelling really add more headache.

I'd told u frm de beginning, I'm not perfect nor a good girl. I have my bad sides which are not easy 2 b thrown away. just like u who have few habits that u hardly put away. so I'm not asking 4 anythg xcept for 1,

PLEASE UNDERSTAND ME.